“How has aging hit you”
As the New Year of 2019 started, the viral #10YearsChallenge hashtag made the rounds online as people shared side-by-side photos to see how they had aged in the past decade. It got me thinking, as time goes by it’s natural for our desires to ebb and flow, to grow and to change. What you liked last week, let alone last decade, may no longer work for you now, but it may turn you on again tomorrow! Learning to communicate with ourselves, and with our lovers, about what feels good in the present is an empowering way to accept and embrace who we are today.
Getting to (re)know you
As we near Valentine’s Day, a day on which we celebrate love and romance, I invite you to take this opportunity to reacquaint yourselves with who you, and your partner, are right now. I have found that a wonderful way to do this is by engaging with “The 36 Questions That Lead to Love”. It was printed in The NY Times in 2015, and is a wonderful piece to revisit with your partner over the years. The 36 questions are broken up into three sets, with each set intended to be more probing than the previous one.
As the article by Daniel Jones begins, “In Mandy Len Catron’s Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” she refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aron (and others) that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions…The idea is that mutual vulnerability fosters closeness…Allowing oneself to be vulnerable with another person can be exceedingly difficult, so this exercise forces the issue.” Read more.
Dating your partner again
The questions were so popular, there was even a follow up article published: “Readers Inspired by the 36 Questions.” As one person was quoted: “It reminded me of when we first met, and frankly, it was kind of hot. It felt like dating again. It was intimate and a good reminder to reconsider that your partner is not just someone to empty the dishwasher with. There are always opportunities to learn more about each other.”
So, rather than trying to score the last table at an expensive crowded restaurant this year, get comfy and cozy with your loved one and try something that will deepen your intimacy and connection. And if you’re single, you can try out these questions with your friends, or perhaps with someone new you’ve just met, and turn the evening into an engaging occasion with the added benefit of learning something new about yourself and others – a chance to build a deeper bond and connection.
If you enjoyed these 36 questions, and are open to sharing, I would love to hear about your experience and what you may have learned from this practice.
Let me know at drnamitacaen@sexandintimacycoaching.com.
Happy Valentine’s Day!