Maybe you arrived here after last week’s Rekindle the Romance event with me and Jessica Kilde of Every Night Date Night. Authors love to spice up romance novels with every genre of fantasy, including sensual dominance and role play… but even if romance novels aren’t your thing, you can still come up your own creative ideas and have a lot of fun with role play.
Role play is like “playing pretend” for grown-ups. Here’s how to prepare for a fun night of “make-believe”.
Role play can be as simple as donning some dress-up and never leaving the house, or it can be elaborate and involve public enactment. There’s no limit to the fun that can be had with this, but it can require some preparation. Here are some tips on how to have a successful role play experience.
First, figure out your fantasy.
You might already have one, but if your role play scenario involves, say, “two strangers meeting in a bar and going back to a hotel room” (this one’s really common, and for good reason – it goes over well almost every single time!). Think about it, and figure out what exactly it is about this scenario that turns you on.
Share it!
This is the tough part for some, at least the first time. The easiest and most successful way of doing this is to share it as a compliment. How do you do that? Tell your partner you’ve had a sexy dream, for example, about them (as, say, the stranger in the bar), and you want to have some fun with it. It’s important to also share what about this scenario turns you on – is it a stranger who exudes dominance, or one who’s willing to do anything you demand? In order to role play the fantasy the way you envision, it’s important to put these things out on the table first.
How do you and your partner communicate these things? Some couples are fine talking face to face, while others use text or email. Do what works for you – but first, of course, you’ll need to make sure your communication skills are in good shape.
Define your boundaries.
Safe, sane, and consensual – this is the bedrock of responsible kinky play between adult partners. Trust and consent are imperative. Make sure these boundaries are clearly defined, so each of you knows how far you’re willing to go, and where to stop (establishing a “safeword” may also be of benefit).
Set the scene and have fun.
Does this seem like a lot of prep work? It doesn’t all have to be done at once. You can spend as much time as you want prepping for a role-play scenario, talking about it, defining boundaries, and gathering toys, costumes, booking a hotel, whatever it is you might need. And don’t forget to have fun! If this is new for you, your first experience might be all about working your way through how you roleplay together – there may be some comical moments or some not-so-sexy ones, or it could be so mind-blowingly hot you surprise yourself! Go with the flow here.
You might find this experience incredibly freeing, allowing you and your partner to be and express things you don’t normally feel comfortable doing. Maybe role play allows you to feel and be more assertive or submissive, maybe you discover new things that turn each other on. Make-believe isn’t just for kids. Adult “pretend” is just as fun – maybe more!
Some fun scenarios to start with
You might already have some fun ideas you’re looking forward to acting out but if not, here are some fun ones – like the “stranger in a bar” scenario, they’re popular fantasies for a reason. You might also enjoy some of these reads as a jump start. Just remember – safe, sane and consensual!
As you’ve probably noticed, communication skills are important for role play that’s safe, fun, and enjoyable for all involved. I enjoy helping people find their best ways to talk with each other so they can confidently ask for what they want and need. Communication is the basis for great sex and lifelong pleasure.