Dr. Gary Chapman, bestselling author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, says the key to a lasting relationship is discovering which love language you and your partner respond to the most. These “languages” express the different ways in which we feel loved and appreciated. Chances are, you may not have the same love language as your partner, and so, learning our partner’s love language can make all the difference to our experience of feeling loved and appreciated in a way that is aligned with who we are.
Chapman outlines the 5 ways to express and experience love as:
- Words of Affirmation – Noticing something positive and saying it out loud
- Quality Time – Spending time together
- Receiving Gifts – A physical, visual representation of your love
- Acts of Service – Doing a chore, making a little sacrifice out of love, not obligation
- Physical Touch – Holding hands, little touches throughout the day, massage, kissing
However, since the book was first published in 1992, many have suggested the need to add a 6th love language, especially in light of how prevalent technology (the internet, smartphones, apps, texting, emails) has become in our daily lives. All of these advancements have impacted how we interact, communicate, and relate to each other including how we express love in our relationships.
Accordingly, some new proposed love languages include:
- Space – “The act of taking (or giving) space can be a deep act of love”
- Distance – “Solitude brings a peace of mind you can’t get any other way.”
- Inclusion – “We have to be working toward the same goal, developing a shared sense of meaning in our lives.”
- Consistency – “We deserve to know we’re loved all the time, not just when it’s convenient.”
- The Approval of Others – “You give your significant other something to brag about to their friends about something you did to express your love”
- Social Media – “You communicate and process love mostly through social media. It’s how you give love and it’s how you feel loved.”
For many of my clients, months of prescribed “sheltering in place” have resulted in unprecedented levels of physical proximity, highlighting our often neglected need for personal space. Couples often find themselves having different needs for personal space yet “the act of taking (or giving) space can be a deep act of love”. Read more about Space as the 6th Love Language.
How do you express love? Which new love language most appeals to you? Do you have a different idea for a new love language? I’d love to hear it, let me know!