Right now, many of us are encountering challenges we never have before – whether we’re coupled and learning to navigate a world between personal space and connection, or whether we’re single and wondering when we’ll hug another human being again.
Last week we talked about new love languages, including, in particular, the longing for more “personal space” while we hibernate at home. The need for new ways to connect during this time creates a variety of different challenges for everyone. For couples, learning to share space and time with each other has also meant learning to manage the need for personal time versus connection time. Singles are navigating unprecedented amounts of time alone and may be feeling lonely, isolated and frankly tired of all the “personal space,” and may be craving more connection with others.
Checking In
Virtual connection is an important resource – as exhausting as yet another Zoom conference may sound, you’re not just a spectator when you “connect” virtually. There’s a qualitative difference between being a spectator while passively listening or actually engaging in a mindful, intentional way which stimulates social engagement and builds rapport with others. Regular check-ins are helpful, especially those in which everyone takes a turn to share and be heard by the group. I encourage you to find or create a support group that feels personal and that allows everyone to hold space for you, and for each member of the group. Start or join one with good friends you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with, or reach out on social media to find others who may have similar needs or interests.
Comfort and Self-Soothing
If you have a pet, likely they’re getting more attention right now than they ever have, and that’s good thing! Petting your four-legged friend helps to regulate your nervous system and releases oxytocin which fuels feel-good positive feelings of connection.
If you’re missing physical touch and human connection, try creating a sense of “containment” for yourself with weighted blankets, large pillows, stuffed animals, and yes, trees, all of which are good hugging companions.
Wear things that make you feel safe and cozy – clothes that are really comfortable in which you feel relaxed and provide an enjoyable sensation on your skin.
Take a long hot bath and indulge in self-care and self-pleasure practices. These routines offer enjoyment and pleasure while calming and soothing our elevated nervous systems in a nurturing way. Attend to your sexual health through sensual or erotic touch and enjoy the glow of a good orgasm (and more feel-good hormones!).
Physical exercise in nature, stretching, yoga (especially slow, restorative or yin yoga) or focusing on a spiritual practice can also help bring your mind, body and spirit into a more harmonious place and relieve some of the tension you may be feeling at this time. You can find videos on Youtube or connect to a live class online. There are also several apps available, such as Down Dog, which offers a variety of different kinds of yoga at different levels, from Beginner to Advanced.
It’s okay to be where you’re at right now.
These are uncertain times. It’s natural to feel affected and ok to be where you’re at right now. Create a personal list of resources from this list, add more of your own. and know that you don’t have to handle it alone.