How does mama get her groove back?
Recently I teamed up with Alicia Willoughby, a women’s health physical therapist, at the Luna Method for a workshop called “How Mama Gets Her Groove Back:: Sex, Intimacy, & Relationships After Kids”.
The post-partum period can be a really beautiful time bonding with your baby and discovering each other in your new roles as parents, but it can also be a difficult time for mamas getting used to hormonal shifts, new bodies, new sleep schedules, and new ways of connecting with your partner. With all this, post-partum sex may be the last thing on your mind, or you might be wondering what happened and when you’ll get your groove back. It takes time! Be gentle with yourself and each other.
Our workshop was highly informative and lots of fun, with a lot of important questions asked, and a lot of advice shared. If you’re a new mother, you may have some similar questions. Hope this helps!
When should we have sex again?
There is no set time, often 4-6 weeks after birth or much later – for some couples, it may be months. It’s whatever feels right for you. Everyone and every body is different! Keep Connection and Intimacy alive by exploring alternatives to vaginal intercourse such as non-sexual touch, holding hands, hugging, embracing, kissing, therapeutic/sensual massage or later, oral sex or mutual masturbation when you feel ready.
How to reconnect with your body, and with desire:
Your body has just done an incredible thing, but it’s definitely changed and it takes time to adjust to the new you. In addition to the physical and emotional changes, you’re probably sleeping less, too. While finding time reconnect with your self and your new body may seem impossible at first, make use of quiet moments to take body-care baths, get a massage, do a facial, some yoga or pilates, or simply take some time to rest. Foot massages are a wonderful thing to receive – if yours is a restless babe, you can hold them while getting some much-needed touch.
Self-pleasure:
Self pleasure helps you get to know your body intimately, what feels good to you now and how you want to be touched – again, since your body has changed, you may like to be touched in different ways, especially in those first few months after having a baby. Self-pleasure gives you valuable info to share with your partner when communicating your needs and desires.
Connect with your desire, rather than “trying” to feel aroused. Libidos can sometimes take a hike after childbirth, and it’s ok to have pleasure with and without orgasms or intercourse. Make it a fun exploration rather than a goal-oriented process, which can cause anxiety. You may find that your body experiences pleasure in different ways now, so enjoy the journey, let go of the focus and try new things when you’re ready.
Communication:
Your time is no longer your own, and even the best-laid plans can be interrupted by a tiny little human, but it’s still important to schedule time for connection and intimacy. Let go of goals and attachments and simply set the intention – whatever you choose to do during that time is all about bonding with each other. Spontaneity is an awesome bonus and ironically, scheduling makes it happen!
Honesty:
Many new mothers experience what’s commonly known as being “touched out” – feeling like your body is no longer your own, and especially if you’re breastfeeding. Again, this is perfectly normal, but it may be challenging to connect when you’re feeling this way, so it’s important to tell your partner what feels good and what doesn’t – don’t just endure touch you don’t enjoy. Give gentle, loving feedback (it’s all in the delivery!) and check in afterward.
Maybe we met at the workshop, or maybe you’re a new mama who’s working with some “new you” challenges. You can get your groove back! Pleasure is your birthright, and I’m here to help. Please reach out if you’d like a complimentary phone consult or have questions.
Alicia led workshop participants through pelvic connection exercises – a great way to help heal the pelvic floor after childbirth, get out of your head and into your body and relieve stress. She also offered up a “simmer list” – have some fun with these!
- Sexy selfies: You are sexy and beautiful. Relish the sexiness of your pointed toes, the softness of your skin, or take pics of the curve of your neck, your thighs, or any other parts you enjoy and learn to love the new you. Keep them for yourself, or share with your partner.
- At least once a week, wear clothes you feel good in, clothes that feel like you. Not everyone gets back into their pre-baby clothes right after childbirth (some never do) so make the investment in yourself (that includes undies – get some you find sexy).
- Music: start gathering songs in a playlist that remind you to breathe, connect you to your body, songs that bring up sexy feelings/thoughts, both kid-friendly lists and then for adult ears only. Music in the bedroom can be a game changer!!
- The Shameless Sex podcast – a “real talk podcast on sex and relationships”
- Dipsea Stories – “sexy audio stories that set the mood and spark your imagination” – written by women, for women, free IOS app
- FlirtyGirlGuide – “Sex Toy Concierge for the Mommy Set”
- Sliquid natural intimate lubricants (Namita also recommends Good Clean Love and Uberlube)
For more recommendation