Religion and sex? Aren’t those like oil and water?
Not necessarily… Sex is a vital and important part of Christian and Jewish marriages – so much so it’s considered holy. And while there’s a common perception that religious people consider sex as merely serving a procreational purpose, that’s just part of it.
“When it is good, there is nothing as good.” (R Yaakov Emden, The Talmud)
To begin, we can look at the Song of Songs (also known as the Song of Solomon), part of the Bible’s Old Testament and of the five major scrolls read during Jewish Passover. This collection of love poems is often interpreted as much more than simply a dramatic love story, but many who read these beautiful and ancient words may also see it as a celebration of human love and God’s creation and a beautiful gift to share with each other. One of the wonderful things to be found in the Song of Solomon is an open, shameless acknowledgment of marital bliss.
You have captured my heart, my own one, my bride. You have captured my heart, with one glance of your eyes, with one look at your décolletage. How sweet is your love, how much more delightful than wine! (Song of Songs 4:9-10)
Regardless of how blessed a religious marriage may be, there may be times when challenges arise. Pastors, rabbis, and other spiritual leaders are often versed in marriage counseling within the framework of their respective religions – but the practical ‘nuts and bolts’ of sex itself, aren’t necessarily addressed. Both Christianity and Judaism look at sex as a divinely-sanctioned activity (Judaism, in particular, addresses sex as a woman’s right in a marriage) and the biblical book of Corinthians even instructs lots of it between married people.
Many couples, religious or not, often find themselves at a sexual crossroads in their marriage – facing concerns like desire discrepancy, learning how to work with erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, addressing issues around shame or a need to learn more effective communication skills that will so that they can ask for what they want and need for a vibrant and healthy (and spiritual!) sex life together.
These are the things I’m versed in, so to speak. Like these sages of old, I also believe sex can be beautiful, spiritual, happy and playful, and I’m here to help.