One of our most powerful communication tools is likely right inside your pocket: your phone.
Of all the many uses we have for our devices, one of the “hottest” is possibly the practice of Sexting! Sexting helps “build your simmer,” by creatively expanding foreplay using your imagination and fantasy to build up that delicious sexual tension we crave through digital communication.
Whether old or new, your sexual relationship(s) could receive a much wanted boon by expressing your desires and fantasies through this sexy seductive form of virtual communication. Imagine you’re sitting at work, tired, maybe bored, and you get a text notification from your partner. What it says makes you blush… it is explicitly for you and nobody else. You pick it up, you smile, you suddenly feel excited to go home and make out with your partner. This feeling of “taking a break” from the mundane to fantasize and savor the desire you have for each other is a sexy pick-me-up, and a way to maintain connection and spice throughout the day.
Consent
Consent is a must when it comes to sex. So always check in with your partner, to make sure they are aware and open to this kind of erotic communication based foreplay. Sexting is ideally a two-way pleasure exchange, so, if either of you is feeling pressured into it, it’s unlikely to be as fun. A word of advice on steamy photos: unsolicited nude pictures are rarely a good idea! Make sure whoever you’re wanting to share with is ready and excited to receive digital displays of your sexy self first!
Defining your agreements around boundaries beforehand is a great way to build consent into your dialogue, making sexting more fun and fluid. Gauge your partner’s interest and availability in receiving dirty texts in the middle of a busy day before you hit the send button! Maybe they enjoy the thrill of mild exhibitionism? Maybe they prefer reading your seductive or erotic words over sexy pics? If you’re wanting to send some content that’s not safe for work, you might want to throw in a “NSWF” disclaimer. Again, consent is important, and more than that, consent is sexy, as it shows you care and respect your partner’s feelings.
How Do I Get Started?
Even If the written word has never been your forte, give sexting a try! It can be as simple or as grand as you want it to be. Here are a few possible starting points…
-
-
- Ask your partner what turns them on. This opens up fantasy dialogue and future planning.
- Complement them on what turns you on about them.
- Text about what you’d like to do the next time you’re intimate. Get specific!
- Tell them when you’re touching yourself and then tell them what you’re fantasizing about.
- Ask your partner questions about their desires, and feel free to share your own! Deepen your understanding of each other’s erotic desires.
- Share a memory of intimacy you’ve shared in the past and describe re-experiencing it. How you would do it, what you liked best, and explore what they liked about it too.
- Send a sexy picture or gif. If you feel uncomfortable or shy about sending personal images, you can always choose a suggestive gif from the internet! They’ll get the idea, and you don’t have to worry about your privacy being compromised..
These are all simple ways to start a fiery sexting session. Be open to the collaborative, creative play that it offers your relationship. Keep playfulness and curiosity at the forefront as you build up your relational intimacy and mutual understanding on each other’s erotic imagination.
Style and Purpose
There are endless reasons for sexting. Are you wanting to connect with your partner during the day to prepare for a sexy date? Maybe just a few sexy texts during the afternoon will set the tone and desire for your time together. Or are you in a long distance relationship and wanting a fuller sexual connection? An erotic imaginative scene for you both to enjoy can really spice things up!
Whatever your reason and whatever you end up doing, you and your partner will have your own style that feels most authentic to your relationship. For example, you might use a lot of emojis (eg. 😘 🥰 🥵 👀 👅 🍑), or you might keep it more formal or hot and passionate. Sending videos, pictures, and sound bites can elevate your experience and engage more of your sensual senses. Try it all and see what works for you!
As you find your style, remember to check in. Make sure that your advances are being consensually received and vice versa. Some folks like to get really explicit, some like to keep it soft and sensual with a lot of emotion and romance.. Expressing what you like and don’t like are key! A recent blog on Foria’s website put it nicely, “Sexting is a dance between the two of you – and a place to potentially open up worlds of fantasy that have yet gone unexplored. … The trick is to express yourself authentically, and respond to your partner in a way that allows your desires to come together in a leisurely braid.”
Let this be an invitation to deepen your sexual connection, get creative, and build up the sexual simmer in your life. You are a sexual being, enjoy yourself! I’m here to cheer you on, so please don’t hesitate to contact me if you would like some added support. -