The #metoo movement is changing the way we talk and think about sex.
These days, we’re hearing about #metoo daily – from Gillette commercials that send the internet spinning to record labels silencing artists with a history of sexual abuse, #metoo has led the way in creating a supportive platform for women to speak out about sexual violence and sexual trauma.
Whenever culture progresses there are growing pains – as we work through these shifting paradigms, we’re also working with changing language and perspective. Words are powerful and with the support network #metoo is creating, many victims of abuse are claiming positions as survivors instead. Survivors are calling out bad behavior, insisting on finishing sentences, demanding respect, and setting boundaries. Empowering? Absolutely. But what about what’s happening in the bedroom?
So, what if I’m submissive? What if my partner likes it rough? And what about role-play?
Because #metoo is shifting roles, here are some questions that are starting to come up: What if I like the kind of sex that overpowers me? Is my desire to submit or surrender to my partner “wrong” now? Are our role-play fantasies “bad” or “unhealthy”?
So much of what I do as a sex coach is help people identify what their sexual desires are and gain confidence in asking for what they need. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults wanting or liking sexual intensity or rough sex, submission or role-play. What’s important is that there is safety, trust, and consent (which creates real intimacy), and that we feel safe and held in saying yes, no or maybe and defining our boundaries. When we are empowered and liberated in our relationships with each other, when we feel secure enough to talk about our needs and can listen to our partners without judgment, we can have the kind of sex we want to have – and we can feel great about it!
Whether you’re working to build better communication skills in your relationship, addressing challenges arising from past sexual traumas, or you want to build a safe and secure container for healthy and empowered sexual exploration, I’m here to help. Please get in touch!