How can we contribute positively to our children’s Sex Ed and help them enter adulthood with a comprehensive understanding of sexual health and wellness? Present-day teenagers interact with (their) sexuality very differently from past generations. In this age of social media, zeitgeist shifts around sexual expression, endless new tv shows, and so much available at the touch of a button; we may first need to take a step back and ask, what do our kids already know?
The Talk(s)
Talking to your teen about sex can sometimes feel uncomfortable – this is completely normal and expectable! So if you’re feeling timid about this vulnerable topic, you’re not alone. While there are a lot of ideas about how to talk about sex with kids, it starts with laying a foundation in which it is OK to talk about in the first place. Ideally, your “Talk” is not an isolated event, but rather an ongoing conversation based on open, age-appropriate communication, and good habits from the get-go. This practice is essential in helping our kids create healthy relationships, lower their risk of STI’s and unwanted pregnancies. Ditch the idea of doing it “right” and focus on connecting with your child. When you create a safe space for your kids to come to you with questions or concerns about sex and sexuality, you’re doing just fine!
Remember that curiosity is a perfect place to start these conversations. Sitting down with your teen and asking them open-ended questions from a nonjudgmental perspective will foster a safe haven for them to come back to.
Sex Education
How do kids learn about sex? And more importantly, how do we bolster their education and encourage sexual health and wellbeing? Typically schools are required to provide a semblance of sex education in Health classes. Unfortunately, many curriculums fall short, covering only basic anatomy and barely touching on safer sex practices. Some kids learn Sex Ed from their Gym teachers which can feel awkward. Providing kids with resources and open conversation at home is a great way to add understanding to whatever basics they may be taught at school.
Challenging Harmful Influences
There are many wonderful tools out there for kids including new online platforms with age-appropriate information and there is also a lot of misinformation. Here are some helpful tips to support your teen in telling the difference:
- Bolster their self-esteem: High self esteem reduces risky sexual behaviors.
- Accept your child just as they are.
- Encourage healthy dialogue and curiosity.
- Demonstrate an understanding of consent.
- Provide options for your teen to gain knowledge if they ask questions you don’t know the answers to.
Sex Positive Media
There are so many great new tv shows and books that can provide practical examples of experiences and practical conversations. Here’s a short list to get you started:
Books
- The Sex Education Answer Book: By the Age Responses to Tough Questions Kids Ask Parents About Sex
- Project Parent: Preparing Yourself for Your Child’s Sex Education
- s.e.x: the all-you-need-to-know sexuality guide to get you through your teens and twenties
- Sex is a Funny Word: A Book About Bodies, Feelings, and YOU A great book aimed at younger kids, but definitely great information and perspective for all ages.
- Cath Hakanson has several books on important topics surrounding sex, like puberty and pornography.
Shows/Movies
- “The Principles of Pleasure” – a Netflix series “Sex, joy and modern science converge in a celebration of women’s pleasure and puts stubborn myths to rest”
- “Sex Education” – a Netflix comedy series about high schoolers, sex, and the personal power that good sex education can give you.
- “Big Mouth” – another Netflix comedy cartoon about puberty and all the embarrassment that can come along with it. And a splash of really well thought out commentary and facts about sex.
- “Normal People” A romance/drama about a love story between two young adults, completely relatable and realistic.
Internet Resources
- Scarleteen | Sex Education For The Real World is a wonderful resource for teenagers to explore information they want to know in a safe and age-appropriate way.
- TikTok influencers have made great sex education easy to digest in small increments. Two (Tiktok) famous, and for good reason, are @itskatiehaan @askdoctort. Take a look, you might learn something!
- Cath Hakanson website provides really great tools and resources
Modeling Sexual Health for Your Kids
While you will personally benefit from being in touch with your own sexuality, maintaining a healthy approach to sex and modeling a sexually positive attitude will also benefit your kids. Topics like anatomy, boundaries, relationships, and body image are largely taught to kids through modeling. As they watch you move through the world they learn so much about how to behave from your behavior. How do you talk about your body in front of your kids? Are you loving and accepting towards yourself or do you find yourself often critical? Ask yourself how you’d like to hear your child talk about their bodies and extend that kindness to yourself!
If you are seeking help or support on your own sexual journey please reach out.
I am here to support you!