Female arousal and desire: sometimes it’s spontaneous, and sometimes it’s responsive.
For women who have responsive sexual desire (which is an extraordinarily large number), it can be really important that they feel sexually desired. If the woman doesn’t feel the desire, she will probably not be inspired to have sex. This is why so many people are addicted to what is known as “New Relationship Energy.” They need to feel hot desire and the game of pursuit to access their full erotic turn on. It’s amazing how quickly a steamy love affair can fade with a woman who has responsive sexual desire, when she feels the hot desire from her lover turn to warm desire.
Like Pamela, I often work with women who struggle with their arousal patterns, feeling “broken” or that something’s wrong with them because they don’t feel like they “want sex”, or that they have a low libido or other challenge that makes a healthy sexual relationship difficult. As science is proving, many women simply have “responsive sexual desire”, and it can be a pretty short road from understanding this to a healthy, happy intimate relationship.
So what exactly is “responsive sexual desire”? Basically, it’s sexual arousal that begins with erotic stimulation – and it turns out that a large number of women work this way.
In this article, Pamela touches on the psychology of female desire and offers some valuable tips for lovers of women with responsive sexual desire.
Does this speak to you? I highly recommend reading Emily Nagoski’s book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. Often referred to as “a masterclass in the science of sex”, Emily presents groundbreaking research and brain science proving that responsive sexual desire is common, normal and healthy – and understanding it can be life-changing.