Virtual sex is here! Curious? Technology provides us with endless ways to negotiate our daily lives and Sex is most definitely an area that the tech world has influenced in countless ways. VR erotic play offers sexual experiences in a whole new way. VR may not necessarily be everyone’s virtual cup of sexual tea, so read on to find out more and discover if simulated sex play holds appeal for you!
What is it?
Virtual reality (VR) headsets are some of the more exciting developments in sex tech. The one getting the most fanfare right now is called the Oculus Quest and (and its more advanced follow-up, Oculus Quest 2). When you put these headsets on, they will drop you right into an alternate immersive reality. You can enhance your experience even further by pairing your visual immersion with sex toys, apps, and your favorite games. There are a multitude of apps to explore and experience VR sex that allow you to sync up your sex toys to the scene you are in. This can be thrilling if there’s something you really want to experience and that you can’t in “reality”.
Why I Might Want to Try
Sexuality is such a natural part of being human, and yet it can so often be shrouded in shame, fear and embarrassment. Because of this, many of us avoid discussing sex all together. We may be reluctant to explore intimate experiences that could offer us deeper satisfaction and enhanced sexual pleasure. Virtual sex could be a safe option to experience sex in a way that is predictable and controllable.
In addition, you might want to try something new but you want to feel it out in a VR setting first. Suppose you’d like to take part in group sex but you’re nervous. Having a VR experience first could act as a sort of exposure therapy, helping you feel safer and more familiar with what could potentially happen before you decide if you want to try the real thing! On the other hand, if you’re wanting to try something new that’s not currently an option for you, VR sex could help you get as close as possible to fulfilling that desire, without actually doing it. It also provides the added safety of zero STI or pregnancy risk as a bonus!
Long distance relationships can also benefit from VR experiences and cybersex. With VR headsets, haptic gloves, other fun gadgets to more fully immerse you, you’ll be able to experience things like cuddling and sexual play with your partner without being in the same place at the same time!
Whatever your reason for trying, the reviews speak for themselves: people generally love it.
Relationship Boundaries and Transparency
If you are currently partnered and wanting to try virtual sex, it’s helpful to be transparent about it. What might feel absolutely benign to one person might feel like cheating or dishonesty & secrecy to another. Here are some important questions you might consider discussing together:
- What are you curious about exploring with VR?
- What do you hope to explore / learn / experience?
- Do you want to do this? … together or alone?
- Are you wanting to have virtual sex with me, a different real person, or a fantasy person?
- If you want to do this together, what are you interested in trying with me? What are your challenges / triggers? and what are your no’s?
- If you want to do this alone, here’s how you can help make sure I feel secure…
- What do we need to purchase to make this happen?
VR Porn
Porn is a multi-faceted and often complicated product. It brings freedom and fulfillment to some, and challenges to others. Much of this has to do with the types of porn people consume.
Back in 2009, Cindy Gallop gave a TED talk about the current porn industry’s ethical problems. She bravely shared her personal experiences in the context of the effect of technology on our sex lives. As a response, Gallop launched MakeLoveNotPorn, a revenue-sharing business model for porn that is curated, ethical, and safe for all involved. MakeLoveNotPorn features real people in real sexual situations, rather than highly-stylized and scripted performance porn. While porn can certainly be hot, sexy, and arousing, it is often unrealistic and can skew the viewer’s idea of what sex and intimacy look like in real relationships. Porn is acting, scripted, performative and directed by a movie producer for profit. It’s not real, and it does not represent real sex in real relationships with real people.
MakeLoveNotPorn strives to be more authentic by representing situations that don’t always follow the scripted linear trajectory of sequences that inevitably lead to sex or orgasms. In addition to this greater authenticity, MLNP sex creates space for empathy, which is often lacking in porn. MLNP offers the viewer pleasure-based sex rather than performance-based sex. This helps diminish erroneous, misleading or unhelpful beliefs about what sex is “supposed” to look like and encourages viewers to find what works for them. There is no “standard normal” in sex, only what’s normal for you and feels good to YOU!
Take Care to be Self Aware- Pros and Cons
Everyone has their own sexual interests and preferences, and if you’re wanting to try new things in the bedroom, VR porn might be a great option to explore. For others, it may present you with concerns or challenges. Remember to be mindful and monitor your usage so you don’t let it become a fixation or a compulsion. It can sometimes set unrealistic expectations which could, in turn, cause intimacy issues. And if you’re feeling like you’re in over your head or it’s becoming problematic, it may be time to take a break and re-evaluate or reach out for some guidance and support.
If you would like to learn more about your sexuality, have challenges you need support with or you’re curious about how Sex Coaching can help you, please to reach out!