Happy Gratitude Day! What goes on in our heads when we’re having sex? The brain, our control center, is highly involved in our entire sexual experience, both physically and emotionally. Let’s take a deeper look at what’s actually going on in there!
Your Brain is a Sex Organ
The brain is our largest sex organ, and fMRI studies have shown that there isn’t one single “sexual center” in the brain… in fact, we use all of it! Scientifically, there is widespread heightened activity throughout the brain during sex and orgasm. The areas in the brain that “light up” during sexual activity are devoted to activities like decision making, problem solving, memory, fine and gross motor skills, and more. Beyond that, we have a huge increase in hormone production. This increase in activity throughout the brain is one of the many reasons sex is beneficial for your overall health; not only are you engaging your pleasure centers, but you’re putting your brain to work, which in turn strengthens it.
Hormones
The hormones at work during sex are responsible for how we feel and the main ones coming into play are dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins.
- Dopamine – One of the feel-good chemicals that promotes desire, motivation, and pleasure. It’s released in large amounts during sexual activity. Not only does this hormone help us feel good, it helps motivate us to learn how to feel good more often.
- Oxytocin – This chemical brings us affection, attachment, connection and emotional warmth. Oxytocin is released during arousal.
- Endorphins – These chemicals are a group of hormones that are released into your body throughout sex that give you a feeling of pleasure, and connection. They also reduce pain, anxiety, and depression.
Orgasm
What is actually happening in our brains when our bodies enter into an orgasmic state? Studies show that the brain acts the same during sex and orgasm as when you are listening to your favorite music or eating your favorite food. It’s not very differentiated–i.e. pleasure is pleasure, and your brain lights up accordingly.
Brain Differences with Sex/Gender
FMRI research has shown us that a brain during sex looks the same no matter the sex/gender. Pleasure is pleasure and fun is fun! Sex or gender based differences occur more often around becoming psychology aroused and physical arousal. For example, feeling turned on and erections often happen simultaneously. There is less of a correlation for people with vulvas; meaning a person can feel aroused, but their physical signs of arousal might not be as simultaneous. Every person is different, so what matters most here is that you check in with your partner to know if they are feeling connected and turned on. Communicating is always key, no matter what your physiology does.
Having great sex is rooted in our mind and body connection and how we communicate and connect with our partners. There are many ways we can improve our sexual relationships with partners and with ourselves. Sometimes simply improving your communication with your partner with benefit your sexual connection and experience. At other times it might take some deep self-work, reading books, going to therapy to expand and enhance your connection to your sexuality.
Arousal, desire, and physiology vary widely from person to person and there’s no “one size fits all”blog about how your body responds to psychological arousal. This connection can be impacted by other variables too, such as past trauma, unspoken expectations, unquestioned or unexamined beliefs about sex, societal norms, and media representation.
Here are some book recommendations to further explore the subject:
- The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine, M.D.
This book came in response to most studies on sex being about men. Neuropsychiatrist Louann Brizendine, M.D. put her 20 years of experience in studying the female brain and sexuality into this book and many have found it incredibly helpful in understanding themselves or their partners better.
- The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion and Fulfillment by Jack Morin.
This book digs into the psychology of desire, arousal, and fulfillment by studying peak sexual experiences and how different emotional situations (including unexpected feelings like grief and anxiety) can bring about best sex of your life.
- Come As You Are: the Surprising Science that will Transform Your Sex Life by Emily Nagoski, PhD.
This book focuses on people finding their individual sexual “fingerprint.” While the book is mainly focused on cis-gendered women, it is applicable to all genders as we each have our own unique sexual “fingerprint.” There are many factors that affect a sexual encounter. Find out more about getting your individual needs met and enhancing your sex life!
- Better Sex Through Mindfulness by Lori A. Brotto.
This wonderful book focuses on the therapeutic use of mindfulness to help improve your sex life.
The mind- body connection is something that is ongoingly researched, and certainly in years to come we will know far more about what our brains are up to. Pleasure is our birthright and it’s natural and healthy to partake in shared or solo pleasure. You can bolster your mental , emotional and physical health by having a fulfilling sex life with yourself and/or with a partner(s). Reach out if you want guidance or support on your sexual journey.
Wishing you and yours a wonderful Thanksgiving! may we all enjoy the upcoming holiday season with ongoing acceptance, appreciation and gratitude for our bodies, our erotic minds and the myriad of ways they give us pleasure.