You’ve heard of foreplay, but have you heard the term “outercourse”?
What comes to mind when you imagine it? And what’s the difference?
Expanding our definition of sex and what we focus on when we’re engaging in sexual play can elicit more enticement, create more connection, and bring more deliciousness to the table.
“Sex” can have a very broad definition and encapsulates the whole sexual experience. It contains so much more than what mainstream media mostly reduces it to… penetration. Intercourse is typically where the mind goes when we think about sex, and foreplay is usually what we think of as a prelude to intercourse. Let’s expand our understanding of the vast array sexual possibilities, and, along with that, our tremendous capacity for pleasure.
What does outercourse mean?
Everything outside of penetration can be considered outercourse. Some might just think of it as “foreplay” (read my previous blog on foreplay here). But foreplay can imply that something might follow it, meaning that it’s just the beginning before the main course. The term “outercourse” does not have to be the beginning, it can stand on its own as the entire event if you like. Try to think about outercourse as sex that can happen before, after, during, or in lieu of intercourse.
The purpose of outercourse:
Sex has a major psychological component (the brain is considered the largest sex organ). The more connection and arousal we can bring to a sexual experience, the more gratifying the experience will be. What outercourse and foreplay do for us is create a fuller and more connected experience–a delicious sexual simmer that is more easily brought to a boil.
Ways to explore outercourse:
There is so much fun to be had in all the space around sexual connection. Having a vibrant menu of outercourse options and ways to experience touch and pleasure beyond penetration will bolster your connection with your partner(s). In fact, delaying intercourse or even removing penetration as an option can build an exquisite sexual tension and create variety and playfulness to your physical relationship. The sweet tease of anticipation and delayed gratification can stoke your inner simmer and have you longing for your partner with a renewed sense of erotic passion!
Here are some fun ideas to get you started on nurturing a delicious simmer within yourself and your partner:
- Text each other throughout the day. Build up some tension and intrigue! It can be as simple as, “I miss your touch right now,” or as direct as “I’m wearing the sexy panties you like,” or “I can’t wait to … again”
- Tease or flirt with each other when you’re out. If you’re at a party, at the store, doing normal day to day stuff, use body language and drop little hints so that your erotic mind is making a sensual connection with theirs. It could be romantic, it could be erotic, it could be suggestive….whatever feels true for your particular flavor.
- Touch each other with your hands and mouths. When you’re finally in a place to be intimate with each other, don’t jump right into intercourse. Touch each other all over. Give each other a sensual massage, take it slow, and get curious. Notice what really gets your partner going and encourage them to share their preferences. Oral play can be super sexy and deeply pleasurable. Try using your mouth to explore your partner’s body. (Here’s a recent blog on oral sex to give you some ideas)
- Use toys on each other. Sex toys are true champions of outercourse. With so many types to choose from, there are limitless ways to enjoy each other. Visit your local sex toy shop, or see my recommendations here under the “Toys” category.
- Bondage and kink really emphasize outercourse, with many encounters having little to no sexual contact at all. Learn more about this kind of play here.
If you would like to learn more about your sexuality, have challenges you need support with, or you’re curious about how Sex Coaching can help you, please to reach out!